Underwater

...but surviving. I owe updates on 2 TPR trial dates, but I've honestly not come to peace with where things are at (case-wise) in order to put thoughts to words. In addition to a trial date next week, we were given 5 new dates in late April and early May. 

Here are brief updates on life outside the trial:

-My grandmother passed away at the beginning of December after being diagnosed with cancer 5 weeks prior. She was the best and is deeply loved and missed.

-Visits with birth dad were reinstated and began recently (separate from birth mom's visits). 

-Visits are now therapeutic visits. They take place in a private office with a neutral therapist who is supposed to help the adults and kids interact positively. The girls are both thrilled they do not "have to" go to the foster agency for visits (consider- small, bare rooms with retina-searing yellow walls, hyped-up children running around, adults cursing loudly, and classic foster parents discussing how much "foster money" they received this month). I don't blame them.

-I'm getting to know both birth mom and birth dad a bit (more). It's complicated, but good. 

-We're in a hard stretch of a hard season and it's exhausting. I'm exhausted.

-This is not where Alex and I thought we would be when we chose to grow our family through the foster system, but I'm forever grateful that my heart has been broken for all the families and kids stuck in the system. There are not enough good foster homes. If you've considered fostering and aren't or are opposed, I'd love to hear your thoughts/questions. (email nycpinwheel at gmail dot com)